NOTE: Friends and family, please know that we are still working through this experience. The decisions of who would be contacted and made aware of the situation were made under extreme stress and were made during a time that our family needed privacy and protection. The decisions were made with only immediate family in mind. We know we are loved, but I was the only one making decisions for a lot of people. It is difficult for me to write this after the last 3 days, but I wanted to let everyone know what has happened as quickly as possible. Please respect our decisions and do not ask questions or remind us that we can call on you.
They say it comes in threes…
Who are they anyway? And what exactly is it?
I suppose when you’ve had your three, it doesn’t really matter who or it, right? You just pray that the rule of threes was not one of the rules made to be broken. You pray that this is the time that being a bit superstitious is okay. You pray…and beg…and hope…and pray.
You stand in the hall holding one of the 5 most precious things you have, your little girl. You scream out the name of the only one you can lean on, Jesus. You beg his mercies, you beg his protection, you beg Jesus to save the one you cannot hold. You beg God to hold him in his hands, you beg God to protect him.
The sobs and begging draw such attention that many hours later, total strangers ask how the one you love is doing…and they say they have lifted your family in prayer all day. While your heart screams thank you, your mouth barely opens, He is ok…critical, but ok…thank you. The words are almost too scary to release from your lips…the fear still all too real.
Wednesday night (9/3/14) Chad came home not feeling well. Around 12:45am, he was still awake, in a good bit of pain, and taking heavy breaths. In my heart, I knew something was wrong, but he assured me he was fine. I asked if I could take him to the ER, but he thought I was being silly.
He continued to be up and down until 4:15am when I got a text, Come to the bathroom. I knew…I just did, it was a replay of the intestinal blockage he had this time last year.
If you need to go to the ER, 4:30am on a Thursday is the perfect time, in case you were wondering.
At 6:15, I left Chad in the ER so that Pouty and I could take D to school. Since Chad sent us a message saying they were doing the xrays and then a CT scan, we figured we had an hour or two before we had to be back. She and I took advantage and headed to run some errands.
We came be-bopping back into the ER and rounded the corner expecting to find him enjoying his dilauded and … that wasn’t what we found at all.
More than a dozen people were surrounding him, he had coded.
He’s mine! He is my husband!
Ma’am, GET OUT NOW!
And, Pouty and I turned around…The walking away was aimless…
What was happening? Where are we supposed to go? WHAT WAS HAPPENING?
I grabbed Pouty, pulled her as close to me as I could, and I began calling for Jesus to intervene.
Please, Jesus, hold him! Hold him Jesus, please! God, please!! Please God, hold him!
Then I heard a word screamed from his room, CODE!!!!
Someone came out of the room and said, Come with me. I will show you where you should wait.
With no words, she took us to the Family Waiting Area, the place where I have seen families sit…wait…and cry. She said, Someone will be back to update you…
And she left…and Pouty and I sat in that little dark room, one small lamp for ambiance…I looked at her and saw the fear…
3 When I am afraid, I will trust in you.
4 In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust;
I will not be afraid…..
I lost it…I lost my strength…I had no idea how to hold myself together for my Pouty Princess, who was all but pouty. She was sitting there, brown eyes staring at me with fear, and holding me…
My baby girl was being strong for me, that is not how life is supposed to be.
I left the room so as not to scare her, but it was too late…. She had already seen the fear, and she was already afraid. I went back and sat with her. I called the one person who always receives my out of breath, wailing phone calls. She prayed, and she reminded me to call someone from church to be with me (in the future, she will have the number and some names of people on staff at church so she can call for me…I know you’re reading this, so that’s on your list of When Lena calls me totally out of control, I will do xyz. Okay?)
I called, they came.
Sometime between the call and their arrival, a nurse came around and told us that Chad had been taken back for the CT scan, but had a reaction to the contrast. He had never had a reaction of this type before, so we had no idea to be aware of it.
She gave us the short version…
He coded, they responded…And then they had a repeat, so another code was called. Compressions were not needed either time he coded, so my understanding is that prevents it from being charted as an official code.
Call it what you want, compressions, not compressions… when a code is called twice for your husband, it’s scary. Not just the, Oh, that was a scary movie scary.
OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN PLEASE PROTECT MY HUSBAND!!!!! I CANNOT LOSE MY BEST FRIEND, MY ONE AND ONLY, MY SOUL MATE!!!! GOD PLEASE!!!
Terrifying That’s what it is … not scary at all … purely Terrifying!
We saw him, oh my Chad…He was so sick, so heartbreaking…
I had never been so happy to see him in all my life. To see him with tears, to hear his voice cracking, barely audible, saying he was sorry, crying. Oh my love of my life, the emotions … I wanted to crawl in that bed and hold him, lay with him, tell him over and over how much I love him, yet I was terrified of hurting him.
When the last of your three come around, you don’t care about superstition. You just pray, and pray hard that the rule of threes was not made to be broken.
You lay face down on your bed and beg God to continue to work, you pray, you cry, you get very cantankerous, you apologize, and then the cycle starts over.
You continue the cycle until the end of that last third comes, and then what do you do?