christianity · Faith · God's Promises

I Am A Fake

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My desire in life is to share God’s love with others. I want everyone I come in contact with to be drawn closer to God simply because they have met me. I want everyone to see the beauty of God’s love, God’s grace, and the perfection that comes from living my life for Christ.

Perfection?

Absolutely, because I would rather you think our life is hunky dory, our only struggle is learning to navigate life with a child who has high functioning autism. Life is perfect, we are living a struggle free life. Not even my dreams are perfect, and struggle free!

I Am Fake

I Am Human

Becoming a Christian doesn’t release us from the struggles in life. In some ways, I think as a Christian, struggles are sometimes initially more difficult to face. We feel the pull of stress, anxiety, fear … As humans, we want to take control and fix whatever is wrong, but as Christians we know that is not our place.

We are to work towards a solution, but we must walk in faith as we do that. We walk in faith, faith that grows through prayer and wisdom that can only come from an intimate relationship with God. We must discern God’s loving will for our lives, and not take the first bus out of town.

Only a few people know about the latest punch my family took, or the punch before that, or the one before that… Only a few know just what struggles our family has faced, and the struggles we continue to face.

With each struggle comes one of its own. A struggle that I don’t share. It has nothing to do with the desire to protect our family’s privacy, or to keep you from thinking I’m a whiner. I keep the struggle hidden, but purely for selfish reasons.

I am a fake…a fraud…I don’t face my struggles with joy the way the Bible tells us to.

See, there are times when we are taking those punches one right after another, and I grow weary. Those punches are often so strong that they leave me gasping for air, and wondering why God has abandoned me. There are times that I look up and ask the question that Jesus asked on the cross, God, why have you forsaken me? 

There are times that my faith falters. I tremble, I am sure the next punch will be the punch that breaks me.

I know God loves my husband and my children. God loves me, too.

I know that God’s promises are so much bigger than my circumstances, but … I’m human. Taking one punch after another, facing one more struggle when I am already barely holding together in the midst of the last struggle, it is scary…disheartening…and even with the strongest of faith, it can cause one to grow weary and worn.

I crumble momentarily when the punches come so quickly that I cannot catch my breath between each one, but then I remember God’s love, grace, and promises.

28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
    his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
    and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
    and young men shall fall exhausted;
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31

How I Catch My Breath

I always enter a struggle with a mini freak out, but when I pull it together, I…

  • Ask for Prayer –  I always call on my prayer warriors. I give them the prayer request, and let them take off with it. I’m telling you, my posse has a direct connection with God. Your prayer warriors do too!
  • Put my own head down and pray – When I have no words, when I am so weary I don’t know what to pray for, I simply ask God to let me see Him move. You know what? He *always* moves. It may not be in the place I need it at that moment, but he moves. He sends scripture or blessings that are proof he is who he says he is.
  • Rest – Generally when I am most weary, it is because I am tired. Not sleepy tired necessarily, but my spirit is tired. Rest, whether sleep or putting things aside, can certainly lift a weary spirit.
  • Read my Bible – Quite honestly, sometimes when I am the most weary, I don’t want to read my Bible. Sometimes I know that I will be convicted and I can’t stand the thought of one more thing. However, after my initial freak out, I open my Bible and God always sends me the scripture that I need at that moment. He always speaks directly to me. God will also speak directly to you.

How do you catch your breath in the midst of struggles?

 

One thought on “I Am A Fake

  1. I don’t presume to know much about autism, but I have a brief story I’d like to share. A few years ago, a mother called about guitar lessons for her 20-year-old daughter, who she described as blind, autistic and slightly below average intelligence. Would I be willing to take her on as a student?

    I hesitated, but finally said yes. We worked together for a little over two years. The blindness wasn’t that much of a problem and she had excellent sensitivity to music, but the autism meant that I had to come up on the fly with new ways of getting across to her what she needed to do. There were struggles along the way, some rather emotional, but when the lessons were done, she was a guitarist. In fact, she was a better guitarist than most of my other young students.

    I would love to take credit for her accomplishment, but it was mostly her own musicality, willingness to practice and sheer drive to do this thing. Sometimes the lessons would end in frustration for both of us, but the next week she had her equilibrium back and was ready to try to take the next step. And she made it. Pretty remarkable.

    That’s all. Hope you and your family are well.

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