Fearful Faith

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Fearful Faith

Two years ago tonight, my family pulled in front of the Value Place Inn that we would call home for almost 4 months. Our life had just been turned upside down. I was scared, nervous, excited, worried, and every other possible emotion.

Two years and two weeks ago today, our beautiful son, D, was placed in a residential treatment center. He was 5 hours from home in Norfolk, VA. Five hours, that is, until Chad got a call that said we would be moving to South Carolina…in less than two weeks! Now, with the move, he would be over 8 hours away. My baby boy, barely 9 years old, my first born, the one who made me a Mommy, the one who could break my heart in ways I never dreamed … he was eight hours away. He was with people I did not know, he was adjusting well, and I was still in complete turmoil.

Spending four months in an extended stay hotel was difficult. It was a humbling, less than lavish experience. It was an experience I needed.

Two years ago, I was terrified. I had no idea what was in store for my life, or for my family. I had no idea what we would face or how we would endure what was to come. Did I mention, I was terrified?

I knew God. I loved God. I was a Christian and I had a relationship with God. I had faith…really, I did…I always have had faith.

I had a weak relationship with God and even weaker faith in His ability to take care of every little detail. While I knew He could and would take care of it, I did not feel like I was worth the time.

I would never have guessed that my life would change, my relationship with Christ would grow in ways I never imagined.

Who knew I could find hope, real hope, in that hopeless little hotel room?

God! God knew!

But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush[a] and Seba in your stead. 4 Since you are precious
and honored in my sight,
 and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west. 6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”  Isaiah 43:1-7 

God knew that despite my being blessed through a Bible in 90 Days project, I would still hit rock bottom. God knew I would be lying in that bed and wondering what all of that was about. God knew I would need that text that asked how I was doing that night. God knew that I would cry myself to sleep more often than not during that four months. God knew that D would come home from his treatment center before he was ready. God knew we would have a difficult time with D as he adjusted to being back at home. God knew we would have a year of him being home and not being in school. God knew that we all needed that time to see the growth as it happened in D before the positive school experience could be had.

Looking back over the last two years, I have changed so much. My life has gone from one of fearful faith to one of faithful faith. I have grown from a person who would forget to pray until I was out of ideas to fix the problem on my own, even though I knew if I went to God in prayer, He would take care of it. Now, I remember to pray, first.

Maybe she’s praying for Marshall and Drew and Belle.
Maybe she’s praying for us because we’re gossiping.
Maybe she’s praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose!
Who knows! She prays a the drop of a hat these days.
~ Truvy ~ Steel Magnolias 

Yep! That’s me … I pray over pantyhose … Well, maybe not since I can’t tell you the last time I have worn them. I do pray about even the littlest things, though. Our Heavenly Father cares about us enough to provide us with new pantyhose, if we need them. God loves us enough to fulfill our every need, when we trust him, when we believe that he can and will fulfill them.

And my God will meet all your needs according
to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19 

My blessings have come through raindrops and my healing through tears…

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Romans 12:12 

7 thoughts on “Fearful Faith

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this! It was a validation for me for something that I have dealt with. After reading it I got chills. God Bless!

  2. WOW! Thank you for writing that. I know I definitely feel like I forget to rely on The Lord from time to time. I am in the need for the message you spoke about.

    Also, totally off subject, but how did you move to SC go? We are looking to relocate with our job and that is one of the two places. Wondering if you had any insight for a momma in need! 😉


    1. Alanna, thank you so much! It is hard sometimes, but He is always faithful!

      I have to be honest, when we first got here, it as such a difficult time. I absolutely HATED it. I mean, I hated everything about it and swore I would never, ever, ever be happy here. And now? Now, Chad is job hunting and every job he applies for outside of our area means God and I have a long talk that usually consists of me pouting, kicking my feet, and saying, “Lord, I don’t want to move. This is now my home! I love this place, I love my church, I love seeing people I know at church, I love my community, I love it here. PLEASE, PLEASE don’t make me move…and if you want us to move, I will … I just don’t have to like it!” LOL

      1. Haha! That’s awesome! What area are you in? What do you like/dislike about it?
        We are so in the dark about the move, since it is up to our company, but I’m trying to learn all that I can.

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