autism · christianity · emotional disability · HFA · mental health · special needs

The Truth: Moms At War

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I know, Beautiful Mama, that you think you are alone.

I know, Moms At War, you are scared, terrified in fact.

I know that you wonder, What would people think if they really knew what we go through?

I am where you are, in a home that is a war zone. In a home where we try so hard, but what should be simple turns into another battle. A battle that we rarely win.

You’ve been told, You have to choose your battles.

You cannot choose a battle that has been chosen for you.

The Truth: Moms at War

When you ask, Chicken nuggets or hamburgers for dinner? And, your child explodes like a bomb, a ball of fiery flames, you did not choose that fight. You were trying to accommodate your child – especially when not asking would have likely created the same outcome.

When your child is literally beating you up – kicking you, punching you, or worse, has started using a toy or other object against you – you did not choose that fight.

You begin to look around your house and consider what might be used as a weapon against you later. When you are shopping and your child asks for a toy, you no longer consider how long the child will play with it. Instead you weigh the rage that will come from the word no in the store and the pain that will come from that toy being thrown at you with the force of an Iron Man Champion later before making your decision.

The dirty truth is, when your child explodes because you gave him two choices for dinner, you want to tell him to fix his own damn dinner.

The dirty truth is, when your child has been kicking you, hitting you with balled up fists, or beating you with a guitar, skateboard, or lightsaber, you have slapped him. You were being beaten black and blue and you didn’t know how else to get his attention and make him stop.

The dirty truth is, when that toy that you said ok to comes flying at you with the force of an Iron Man champion, you put your hands up to protect yourself…and then you wonder what would happen if you threw it back.

The dirty truth is, when the battle is over, you want to go crawl under your cover and recover so you’ll be prepared for the next battle. Unfortunately, you still need to cook dinner, help the same child with homework, and finish up a project or work assignment of your own.

The dirty truth is, when the battle is over and you still want to crawl in the bed, your child will ask you for something to eat, help with something, or to spend time together. You will want to say, and probably have said, Really? You really want me to do that after you just beat the crap out of me and tore my house to shreds?! 

Now, the clean truth …

The clean truth is, I know that you love that child so much that your body truly, physically hurts at times.

The clean truth is, I know that you love that child so much that what seems like the expected behavior for a ‘normal’ kid is something that you rejoice about happening with your child.

The clean truth is, I know that when you get a phone call from a teacher, friend, family member telling you what an amazing thing your child did, you get off the phone and cry tears of pride and excitement.

The clean truth is, those tears are also tears of relief because it was a phone call for something good and not an expected phone call of dread.

The clean truth is, you fight for that kid day and night. You fight because the love that you have for that child cannot be measured in any way.

The clean truth is, that immeasurable love cannot possibly be understood by parents who have only ‘normal’ kids. These kids require a different kind and different amount of love.

The clean truth is, you are not alone! 

Beautiful Mama, you are not alone because there are other Mamas in the war zone with you.

Beautiful Mama, I am here for you. I am here to help you and support you. I know how hard this is and want to help.

Jesus, in the arms of your mercy I find rest! ~ Casting Crowns

Beautiful Mama, better than other Mamas who have been here, better than anyone who can offer to support you, God has not forgotten you. God is here for you. God loves you and your child that is so difficult.

For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing.
Jeremiah 31:25 ~ NLT 



3 thoughts on “The Truth: Moms At War

  1. Thank you for this post. I have one of those difficult children and most of the time I feel very alone. Those with “normal” kids just don’t understand. Of course, before I had kids myself, I didn’t understand…I thought it was bad parenting. I was so judgmental of other moms but now I am eating those words and they don’t taste very good. Thank you for the encouragement.

  2. I bawled as I read that…. and it so hit home for us. I was just passing on Little Man’s wish list for Christmas with the specific request of please, whatever you do, do NOT buy the light saber. *sighs* Love you sweet momma!!!! ***hugs***

  3. Just wanted to drop in and hug you. In addition to sharing and tweeting, I pinned this to my Sensory Processing/Aspie board. You are a wonderful mom and an amazing advocate for your son. ((<3))

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