christianity

It’s Complicated

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On Facebook you can post your relationship status. I think you can choose between single, in a relationship, married, and it’s complicated. It’s complicated is, I guess, when your relationship is a bit strained for whatever reason.

I think sometimes, as Christians, we find ourselves in the It’s Complicated status with God. We know what we believe, but because of the difficulties we are facing on earth, we wonder where He is. Does He even remember we are here? Does He love us and really have a plan for all of the crap applesauce we are living through? If He loved us, why would he let all of this applesauce happen?

Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
have mercy on me and hear my prayer.
Psalm 4:1

This past two weeks have been very difficult for me. D has been terribly unstable. Despite what they see at school (the perfect angel), he has an extraordinarily difficult time with transitions. Giving that the week of July 4th there is no summer school, he has been totally out of sorts. I don’t mean just a little difficult. Nope, I mean full-fledged, all out fighting, screaming, cursing, knocking over furniture, OUT-OF-SORTS. I thought I could not take another second it has been so bad.

I also testified in a custody case that ended with a precious little boy being taken from his mother on Monday. She is the only caregiver he has ever known. He is 6, has special needs, and no matter what anyone says, is very attached to his Mama. He also loves my Spike, who absolutely loves him too. I cannot begin to imagine the pain my dear friend is experiencing right now.

Life has just been rough. You know the kind of rough, it’s already a crummy day and I kicked the table leg with my sore toe kind of rough. It was so rough that when I texted my friend to tell her that Andy Griffith had died, she replied with, Could your week get any worse? (That’s how you know a true friend, she knows your love for Andy Griffith and loves you anyway!)

I have spent more time on my knees crying, begging for God to help me than I have on my feet. I have screamed, cried tears until I thought I couldn’t cry anymore, and then I did. I have asked God why, what my little boy did to deserve this. I have cried out, God, if you are a God of miracles, why can’t you perform one on my little boy’s mind and heart? I don’t want to change who he is, but I want him to be freed from the pain and torture of his brain. 

I have asked,  Why, God? Why do children have to live this way? Why do their siblings have to experience this difficult life? Change it, God! Fix it, God! Why have you allowed this little boy who I know was being well cared for to be ripped away from his Mama? How could you hurt a Mama’s heart like that, God? How could you let these things happen?

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors
through him who loved us.
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers,39 neither height nor depth,
nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from
the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:37-39 

Yep, you could say my relationship with God was it’s complicated this past two weeks. I trust God with all my heart. I know that God wants to prosper me, not harm me. I also know that there are trials and tribulations in the world as a result of sin and evil. Satan is attacking us and we, as Christians, have to stand together and rebuke him. We have to stand firm in our faith and spread the truth that is the love of God. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 

I have no idea why things happen the way they do, it is not for me to understand. I must lean on God, for all understanding, of all things. He is in control, He has the master plan, and He will protect us during difficult times. I have a friend who says,  God won’t keep you out of the fire, but He will be with you in it! This is so true!

Through constant prayer and a lot of time in my Bible, it is no longer it’s complicated with God. Through His grace and mercy, God has held me close and listened to my every cry. I have taken all of my burdens to Him, He is now carrying them and I am praying for Him to share the next step of His plans with me – when he’s ready.

5 thoughts on “It’s Complicated

  1. <3 Lena, I get it. I don’t understand either, but I continue to walk with Him and allow Him to be the guide along this path where I can’t even see the next step. Miss you and wish I could hug you!

    1. Oh, my sweet friend. I love you and miss you. I actually prayed for your understanding and broken heart today. We will get the chance to swap hugs again – we are not just friends, we are sisters of the Almighty Father!

  2. Lena, when I read this it humbles me and makes me ashamed of my own behavior. You know why? Because in the midst of your heartbreak and bewilderment over what God is doing with your life, you still manage to get on your knees and talk to Him. You cover yourself with His word like a comforting blanket. I wish that I could do that! You are so courageous and I believe that He allows things to happen in our lives that we cannot understand because they will ultimately minister to others and lead them to Christ. You do this for me!

    1. Wow, Kate! When I read this comment on my phone last night, I was speechless. Thank you so much. I struggle with how real to be sometimes when we are in a rough patch, but life as a Christian is surely not all unicorns and rainbows. We still have really, really hard times. I have prayed about my blog a lot, that it would be a place to share God’s love and that it would always glorify God. Thank you for your comment that tells me I’m on the right track. You will be in my prayers as we walk the Christian journey together, my beautiful sister in Christ. <3

  3. Oh friend, sometimes it’s just so HARD! HUGS! I’ve been praying a lot of weepy prayers lately too. I just don’t understand WHY God would put something on my heart and then seem to shut all doors to making it happen. WHY would he put something on MY heart and seem to something completely different on my husbands heart? If He wants us to be ONE, can’t he just give a girl some help? 🙂

    But I’m learning that prayer is truly an amazing thing! Now I always say, “prayer changes things–usually starting with ME.” The more I pray, the more God shows me that my spirit is not humble and submission. That my faith is weak. That I’m not listening or following. The more I pray, even if it starts out angry or frightened or lost, the more I come to see His truth as I work through it and my whole heart and outlook is different when I get off my knees.

    That doesn’t mean I don’t have to do it again the next day sometimes! But I’m getting there! 🙂

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