I learned something Saturday night that made me a bit sad, but sent me on a search for more websites that would connect me with other Christian women. I found Good Morning Girls, I’ve always known that my best time spent with God is early in the morning while the kids are still asleep, with peaceful music in the background, just God and me. This website gave me the boost of confidence that I could make it through the day if I rolled out of bed just 30 minutes earlier, as hard as that was to believe!
This morning, I got up with Chad and packed his lunch for work. I kissed him goodbye, but then went and crawled back in bed. I tossed and turned for a couple of minutes and realized that I was intentionally shutting God out. I was intentionally saying, “Nope, not getting up and doing it this morning, I’d rather sleep.” As soon as the reality hit me of what I was doing, I pulled myself out of bed and came to the living room.
I started my cup of coffee, turned on some peaceful music, and sat with my Bible. I started with praying that God would give me the words I needed to hear from Him this morning and turned to Song of Songs Chapter 8. At first I thought, “God, I love you, I know you love me, I embrace your love for me. Why am I reading this? What is the message here for me?” Then, my heart was opened and his message come flooding in.
You see, I have spent a lot of time frustrated, aggravated, and irritated with D lately. I have spent a lot of time dealing with the struggles of his autism, but not dealing with the happiness and wonderful parts of him. Don’t get me wrong, I love my D more than imaginable, but rather than opening my heart to fully embrace who he is and enjoying him without the autism, I have spent time being angry that he has autism and then frustrated with him for not overcoming the autism, as if he has a choice.
I realized over the weekend that I was not showing God the gratitude for my blessings the way I should, especially where D is concerned and this morning it all came flooding in from this passage. I am not showing D the love and compassion that I should. I am not loving my children, not just D, but all of my children, the way that God loves us. If I were, while I would still have frustrations and irritations, I would be able to be happier with who he is, who they are, and just love them for that.
God’s love for me is amazing. He loves me despite the thousands of times I mess up in the same way, He loves me despite the flaws I have, despite my idiosyncrasies. God loves me for me. If God can love me that much, shouldn’t I be showing my children, His children, that same love at all times? Shouldn’t I be embracing that love and sharing it with my family?
201. God’s love
202. the ability to be quiet and hear God
203. time with my Bible in the mornings
204. God’s messages to me through His word
205. the freedom to read my Bible
206. the freedom to worship God without fear
207. websites that encourage me when I need it
208. my husband who loves me despite my faults
209. my beautiful children
210. peaceful music in the early morning
211. the songs of the birds early in the morning
212. a sunrise that says “good morning, it’s a new day”
213. the beautiful green leaves filling in the bare winter trees
214. a strong storm that reminds me of God’s power
215. a beautiful sun shining after the storm to remind me of God’s love
216. squirrels that play on the porch railing without a care in the world
217. my Bible
218. a very generous person who is helping me with a big technical job
219. the freedom to write about God’s love
220. all of you who read my blog, knowing you are here gives me constant encouragement