A year ago this time, I was blogging from a hotel room. I was preparing to take my most amazing little boy, at the young age of 9 years old, to a residential treatment center. I was preparing to leave my baby boy in the arms of people I did not know, but trusted after a short visit and long talk with some of their staff members. I was preparing to leave my little boy approximately 8 hours away from home…with strangers…
I was terrified. I had a huge lump in my chest, I have a huge lump in my chest. Remembering the fear and emotions I had when I wrote this post, just brings those feelings all rushing back. While I was depending on God to hold me and guide me through the next several months, I was also wondering why he was letting me live through that heartache and pain. I prayed, I told God, If I have to go through this, let me use it to help other people and, I pray that He has.
It was not an easy time, I was heartbroken and at the lowest point in all of my life at one point. While I was lying in a bed at an extended stay hotel where we lived from April until July, I thought that if D were my only child I’d take a bottle of pills and just let myself lie there and die, God held me. God knew I was hurting, God sent me a special friend. I’m not sure that today she knows that she sent me a text message that somehow transformed into one of the closest friendships I’ve ever had, but that text message was definitely an angel of God reminding me that He was with me.
Would I have taken pills and gone to sleep that night? No, my other children were in the room with me, where God knew they needed to be. God kept me surrounded with love during that time, His and theirs. I knew that I could not do that to my children or to my husband. The thought was certainly appealing when my baby was so far away and things were so hard for all of us. Oh, how easy it would have been to go to sleep that night and fly away home, but I didn’t. Instead, I lied in that bed, praised God for my special friend who texted me that night and said, Hey, how are you? and I replied with, ok, you? never letting her know how I really was at that point. I prayed, I begged God to hold me, I begged him to keep me close, to let me see His presence, and He did. He said, My child, I just sent you a friend that you will cherish forever. Talk to her. So, I did.
In addition to that special friend, God sent me a Bible verse that will forever be my special verse. It was the one verse that kept me going, it was the one thing that reminded me constantly, that I could not lean on my own strength, but God’s strength is the only strength I need.
…This Day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve,
for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
Sitting here tonight, I look at that same little boy. He is lying asleep on the couch in our living room. He has come so far from where he was last year. We still face challenges daily, but I am praising God that He was instrumental in putting together the perfect team for D at The Pines, Kempsville Center, in Norfolk, VA and that He gave me the special friend and His message in the Bible during that time. I am praising God a year later that He still carries us through the good and bad and He is my strength.