When I was younger, my brothers used to tease me and find ways to make me cry. They are both significantly younger, but they thought it was funny that I could cry at the drop of a hat.
Having children has both helped and hurt my ability to cry. In many ways, my children have made it so even a commercial can make me cry. My children have created such a soft spot in my heart that I have even cried when I have picked D up from school just because he had a smile on his face and was happy.
On the other hand, in a lot of ways my children have hardened my heart. I have become more skeptical of the world as a whole. I’ve quit seeing the good in everyone and believing that everyone is here to be honest, truthful, and helpful. Please, don’t get me wrong, I still look for the good in everyone, but I am also much more realistic. I know a part of that is the struggles we’ve had with D, but whatever the reason, it is what it is.
Christmas morning, when we opened gifts, I opened a clock from my Great-Aunt Lucille. This clock is the one gift that brought me to tears. Yes, over the years, I’ve opened many gifts that I loved, but this gift had such a special meaning for me.
Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10
During some of the darkest, most difficult times over the last year, I have leaned on this verse. “Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” When I grieved, when I was pitying myself, when I was heartbroken and thought I could not go on, I remembered this verse and sang this over and over in my head. The joy of the LORD is my strength, not the world, not the knowledge I have, not the understanding that where D was was the best place for him. None of those were my strength, my strength was, and is, in the LORD.
My Great-Aunt had no idea that this verse would mean so much, she said she actually had another one in her hands and thought she had picked up one that said, “In God We Trust”. In God, I do trust. In God, I am teaching my children to trust. For, In God is my strength. In God, is the strength that I am teaching my children to find.