advocate · anxiety · asd · autism · effective communication · IEP · special needs

Tug of War

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Tug of war. 
Push and pull. 
Give and take. 

Us vs. Them. 
The day and time has come. Thursday, October 6, 2011 at 11:30am.
His eligibility meeting for special education services. We have looked forward to and tried desperately to avoid this day for years. We knew there would be a time that we would have to move forward with it, but waited as long as we felt it was in his best interest. 
When he returned from RTC, we knew it was time. He had to have some support in place. Academically, he’s on target, but he still needs support for optimal achievement. We have waited for this day before making our final decision about homeschooling and it is finally here. 
My chest is tight, my head hurts, my heart is pounding, I can barely concentrate on the things that need to be done. My house is a wreck because I either scrub like crazy or close my eyes to the mess when I am so anxious. I feel agitation on the inside of my body that makes me feel like I am coming out of my skin. 
I am sure this is how D feels when he is so anxious. No wonder he avoids school, he has closed his eyes to school the way I have to this mess that is staring at me right now. No wonder my little boy has tantrums; screaming, yelling, kicking, throwing stuff, all out explosive tantrums. I feel like having one of my own.

I am going to close the computer, watch the last 8 minutes of “Happy Days”, straighten up the living room, and try to get some sleep. 
I am praying that God is in that room tomorrow, that He holds my anxiety and temper at bay, that he guides my tongue, and that I am able to advocate for D in a way that will be successful and pleasing to God. 

6 thoughts on “Tug of War

  1. Just read your post. Do you want an "extra" to come and sit in with you? Call me if you do. I will be praying. Good luck and big ((HUGS))

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