autism · christianity · home school · praying · public school

The Village: Home and School

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The quote, “It takes a village to raise a child” is an old African Proverb. In many cultures, the village does watch over a child. In our country, unfortunately, many times the village does not work as well together. 
The problems in the village can be due to parents who want to be the only ones who ever speak to their children about behavior. It can be that the members of the social group will not constructively correct or assist the child in problems. In some cases, the school system is not willing to work for the benefit of the child. Sometimes, it is a combination of all of the above or the simple fact that no one can really determine how to help the child. 
I truly have no idea where our situation lies. Am I being too overprotective? Am I in denial about an issue? Is the school avoiding a responsibility to effectively teach D? Is his intelligence hindering his ability to benefit from some other supports that would make him truly successful? Are we all working against, instead of with one another for his benefit? Really, all of that said, does it matter where our situation is? I don’t know … 
What I do know is, we have a situation. D has intense school anxiety. I have no idea where the true root of the issue comes from. He has said to us and his therapist that he is exhausted in the mornings and he is afraid if he goes to school that tired he will get in trouble. He is terrified of getting in trouble at school. Even a minor infraction will set him into a tailspin of school anxiety and refusal. 
I have to find a way to address this issue. We have tried the well meaning suggestions of, “Just put him in the car and force him to go.”  We have tried punishments, incentives, therapy sessions just to deal with this, and … and … and … Frankly, no one seems to know what to do to get him back to school. So, now we are looking at alternatives to public education. 
Yes, we are looking at homeschooling. Yes, I am looking at the possibility of homeschooling this child who makes me insane some days. I know, you all probably think I have officially crossed the line and headed directly into the “certifiably insane” category. Maybe I am, but I have to do whatever it takes to make life easier and more peaceful for my family, while making sure that D is getting a quality education. I have a master’s in special education and am his mother. Why shouldn’t I be able to provide him with a quality education? 
We have not made any final decisions, we are just tossing around the ideas. I have done a lot of praying … a LOT of praying. I have begged God to tell me not to do this and he has shown me the story of Jonah, over and over. I have a friend who has supported me and prayed with me about this. She has given me so many pointers and encouraged me to make a decision based on what God wants, not on what I think or she thinks is best. The more I have said no, the more God has said yes. 
Please pray for our family as we make our final decisions based on this. We are considering a few different home school options, as well as waiting for the school system to get the final reports written for D’s evaluation to see where they will or will not help us. 

7 thoughts on “The Village: Home and School

  1. Wow.

    I have to say though, that if G didn't get into the school he is in now, I probably would have homeschooed too and I am NOT a homeschooling mom. It's just not me.

    BUT if I were going to do it, it would have been through the K12 program. Have you looked into that? It's public education on line.

    Thinking of you and praying for answers.

  2. The whole thing sucks. Sucks SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo bad!!! I tried for 5 years. 5 YEARS! 5 years of dragging him kicking and screaming. LITERALLY. 5 years of watching him being carried out of the vehicle by 4-5 men. Destroying the inside of my vehicle. 5 years. If i could go back knowing what I know now *SMH*

    I've come to realize something over this past year. What we want for our kids, sometimes, is not what is possible. D shouldn't live with being so scared all the time. I think its wonderful that you're even considering homeschool. I had done it before in the past with Tommy (just short-term while fighting the prior district) and I HATED it. I wasnt qualified to teach so my front door was a revolving door. I was so STUCK on having him in school. It was my only sanity- so i thought.
    The fact is, all of our kids are 100% different. Some make it in school. Some don't. Some require an alternative setting. Smaller classes. That doesn't mean he'll NEVER go back. He's going through stuff. I think it's wonderful that you're considering whatever it takes to help him through this.

    Just follow your gut sweetie. Stay focused on what D NEEDS, not what you WANT. <3

  3. Lena, I pray that D has a breakthrough and will happily go off to school tomorrow. If not, I hope you know that you have friends who will support you and love you through whatever each day brings. And I hope for peace and strength for you. I don't think you've crossed the brink of sanity to consider home schooling. I think you are a mom on a mission, and desperate to make sure your child gets the education he deserves, despite how hard you can imagine this might be to accomplish. Rather than have to resort to this though, I wish the doctors could find a medication to help him cope better with his anxiety. My own D has severe anxiety too and you know we deal with many of the same things – including school/social/behavior anxiety. We cannot push them into a place where they literally feel like they will die – and they are fighting for their lives to stay home where it is "safe". The school will never understand our children or what we are trying to get them to help us with, until they love a child with an anxiety disorder. We get punished by our own angry kids who know they should be able to get to school like "normal" kids and who take their frustration out on us, and then to add insult to injury, by school for being bad/weak/ineffective parents who can't manage to get a little kid to school every day. It SUCKS. We can only take it one day at a time though. And you my friend? Are facing this problem head on like the Mama Bear I know you are. Love and prayers coming your way!


  4. I pray that God continues to guide you and your family. Lena, I have homeschooled my children and was homeschooled myself so let me know if you have any questions and I will do my best to answer them for you. Perhaps D will blossom with homeschooling. Depending on how public school goes for Nathan, we may be looking at homeschooling again. 🙂

  5. That story of Jonah's a tough one, isn't it? Resistance, running from God, realization, resolution.

    The whole thing certainly does suck.

    Remember everyone loves you, is praying for you, and knows you can do whatever you need to do. I send much love and thoughts, prayer and hugs.

  6. I just found your blog as I've been searching for information on SPD. Our 3.5 YO son was recently diagnosed (he's a sensory seeker) and while I've kept a blog to chronicle our lives, I've decided to start another blog that will help me get all this SPD stuff "out there". Your post reminded me of a conversation that I had with my son recently. Precious moments, for sure.

  7. I am praying for you and your family and the choices we as parents and mommies have to make.

    side note: my nephew is starting college next semester. My brother had to keep him home for a bit to adjust to a new phase in his life.

    God bless you and
    We really all do Live and Journey for Home.

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