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Transitions Part I: Family Dynamics

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Are we coming or going? Chaos is a part of life when there are four children in the house. I’ve come to terms with the fact that when I sweep, someone will walk through the pile. In fact, every time I mop, someone slips and falls. I’m good with that. It means I have kids, it means I have a family.

The chaos that gets to me is when everyone has a need that is deemed (by them, of course) immediate. When Samoo is screaching, Spike is skating through the house with one foot on the seat of the riding toy and the other is hurt, Pouty is asking her 2,397th question of the day, and D is staarrvvviinngg.

Really? None of you can sit and wait your turn? I mean, afterall, you are 9 years old with a myriad of diagnoses. You are 4 years old and have been asked to be careful 34 times in the last hour (there’s a reason your name is not Grace). You are 3 years old and the National Enquirer could hire you since you both want to know. You are 18months old and have no words. When I’m not looking at you, I can’t hear/see the ASL signs you are using. Ok, so you can’t wait. 

The chaos of immediate needs is one that returned when D did. I had forgotten how much urgency came with his every need, therefore transferring to the girls and their every need. Generally, I can handle it, it’s part of having 4 kids. It’s part of having kids with special needs. It could be worse.

5 months ago, he was throwing furniture and bowls of food across the room because he was not the first to receive his ice cream. Today, he just huffs and puffs and … No, he doesn’t blow the house down anymore. Praise the Lord!

The chaos of creativity also returned when D did. You know, the bazillion giblets of paper everywhere, markers and crayons hiding in toy boxes and under the dining table, cardboard remnants from one end of the hall to the other, on top of the tv, and under the couch. All for the one  Star Wars Death Star replica. I’ll pick up those left over scraps.

5 months ago, my beautiful D was throwing scissors across the room. He was making that specific object and then tearing it into a million pieces before finishing because someone looked at him. He was losing control of his emotions over the fact that his tape would not tear straight across. 

While he is an amazing kid, his personality (not diagnoses or symptoms of those diagnoses), brings an entirely different dynamic to the house. He brings a different type of energy, and takes up a lot of emotional space. That takes some getting used to after him being gone for 5 months. That said, I’ll do it!

His transition home has not been a transition just for him. We have all had to work together on this transition. As a family, we are thrilled to be back together, but individually we still have our issues to work through. The girls still get upset when he does. They went through so much before, that he has to work to regain their trust that he will not hurt them when he is angry. Chad and I have to work not to overreact when he begins having a tantrum. In the past, if he walked off stomping his feet and huffing, he would have kicked a hole in the wall. Now, it seems to be that he just stomps away, slams a door, lets out a growl. Care to tell me what 9 year old boy doesn’t do that occasionally? (Yeah, I know there is at least one!) Quite honestly, even the dogs have had to transition with his return. The additional energy and activity in the house has been an adjustment for them.

We have had our ups and downs (coming in part two), but overall I think we are transitioning pretty well. One step at a time. If it is a day, an hour, or even a minute… The Footprints In The Sand belong to God, He is carrying us every step of the way.

3 thoughts on “Transitions Part I: Family Dynamics

  1. Word can't express how happy I am for all of you! I know its scary when things resemble what USED to be (i had a brief look at that yesterday myself) and I know it is terrifying to sit back and allow them to use their coping skills to get through a situation. You're doing great. Much love to all of you <3

  2. I have been praying—and I'll continue to do so. I'm glad you're making the adjustments, although the trust comes back slowly. It sounds like he has made a LOT of progress. I'm rejoicing about that!

  3. Well, i for one am happy you are able to handle all this AND still be able to answer 5th grade math questions from stupid mothers like me! lol

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