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My Lottery Dreams (& a nightmare)

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My lottery dream changes slightly every time I talk about it. There are the things that are constant; I’d give money to family to ensure they are cared for long term. I’d buy a moderate, but not over the top house. I’d be sure my kids were well cared for long term.

Today, my dream changed. If we won the super huge, great big digit, huge amount of money lottery, I would do something totally different.

I would buy a huge, over the top house. I would have one wing that I opened as a PRTF (Psychiatric Residential Treatment Facility) for my handsome son and for up to 2 more children. I would direct this facility, it would be run under the strictest, best possible care and exceeding state guidelines. The staff to patient ration would be 5 to 1 rather than 1 to 5. The children in my facility would have the most amazing wrap around care possible. In addition, I would provide the therapies necessary for their families as well. These children would have every possible chance at success. In addition to just the house with the wing for the PRTF, it’d be in Tennessee. I have the perfect place picked out, a place that I saw 20+ years ago and the beauty of God’s majestic works has never been forgotten.

Oh, if only I could win that super huge, big chunk-o cash lottery this week. It would make the decisions Chad and I need to make over the next 24 hours much easier. It would make these decisions unnecessary because things would already be decided.

Instead, I need to wake up from this nightmare, wipe my tears, and leave the pity party.

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

My day was going well. We had a treatment team meeting with the therapist and psychiatrist at the facility where our amazing little boy is. We went over some things that he was doing well; better communication with Mommy, finding more appropriate skills for dealing with intense sadness, better participation during group therapy, individual therapy, and school. We went over some things that he will be continuing to work on. We discussed the fact that he has all of the classic Asperger’s symptoms and really, does not seem to be presenting with a true mood disorder. All of these things were wonderful, beautiful, things to hear. 

Later, however, we received a phone call we never expected, nor wanted to receive. A supervising representative of the insurance company’s mental health department called to let us know that they would no longer be paying for the facility where he is. Apparently, there has been an allegation, though no one will tell us what the allegation is or even the nature. They gave us the news that we will have to call an emergency treatment team meeting within 24-48 hours to transition him to his next placement. Oh, but we have no idea what that “next placement” will be. They told us that we would have to have him out of the facility in 1-2 weeks. 

I am absolutely devastated. 

His therapist is one of only two people that has ever “gotten” him, outside of family. His therapist is amazing, she has earned his full trust. He looks forward to telling her good things, and he is worried about her reaction when things go poorly for him. The only other person I have ever seen him connect with was his second grade teacher. Losing this therapist, losing this placement where he is making such amazing progress is heartbreaking. 

The therapist and doctor are the only ones who have truly understood what we are trying to explain when we say things. They listen to us, they care what we have to say, they want to know what we share with them about him. When they listen to what we say, they are able to use it in a way to better understand and help David. Losing this, heartbreaking.

I know that it is possible the allegation is justified. I know that they would not have made such radical decision without perceived justification. I get that. I also know that the place I have chosen for my PRTF was once a wilderness camp for boys. I know the camp was completely closed due to one false allegation.

I am still devastated and heartbroken. 

So, I have woken from my nightmare, I have wiped my tears, and I am leaving the pity party. It is time for me to lean on God, to trust that God is going to lead us to an even better place for my son. I will get a good night sleep and then move forward tomorrow. I will make phone calls, determine and weigh our options, and then make a decision for the future of my son. I guess our visit and 2 hour pass on Sunday/Monday will be much different. Most likely, we will pick him up, bring all of his things, and take him to his new placement. 

God is in control, that means his new placement will be better for him and our family. I am giving God all of my worries and concerns. I will continue to trust God’s plan just as I have in the past.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.’
1 Peter 5:7

Edited for clarification: The state of NC is removing all of the children who are residents of NC from the facility where our son is. He is not the only one, there are several others. That means there are several other families feeling the same upset and turmoil as we are right now. Please pray for all of the families going through this. 

10 thoughts on “My Lottery Dreams (& a nightmare)

  1. OMG, I hate insurance companies even more now!!! I hate that he is going to have to transition to another school and start over. THIS SUCKS and is not fair to the kids.

  2. Sending HUGE hugs and prayers that everything works itself out in the best interest of your little boy. I love you all. <3

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  3. My love is strong enough to encourage, but God's love is strong enough to carry you. I love your faith and through difficult challenges, you keep a positive outlook.

    You're almost the greatest. mjb

  4. Thanks to all of you for the support and prayers!! We have had a very difficult week, but I the prayers have been felt by our family.

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