This picture was taken near the end of June, 2003 in front of the teddy bear at FAO Schwartz in Los Angeles, CA. My baby boy and I got on an airplane and flew from one coast to the other. I was nervous about flying so far alone with him, but thrilled beyond belief because I was following a dream. I was finally visiting California, but also I was going to spend time with one of my closest friends and her family. She and I met online when we were planning our weddings, but our friendship became so much more than that. It was true and beautiful.
Beautiful is also how I would describe the word, Mommy. Hearing the word Mommy come from the lips of that sweet little boy in that picture is music to my ears. Having children that hug me, love me, and want to be with me is a blessing greater than any blessing I can possibly imagine, but I do have those blessings and I get hugs and kisses from them every day.
After Chad and I had been trying for nearly two years to have a baby, we decided that we would consider adoption. We did some research and talked to several different agencies. We first found a facilitator in the Charlotte, NC area that I really liked. She was a Godly woman and was very much concerned with helping the pregnant women. It was not about the money that she was making or the couples she was helping to adopt, it was about saving babies and helping the women who were giving birth to them. This facilitator introduced us to the owner of an agency who was just as Godly. She was up front about the fact that her first priority was the pregnant mother and the unborn baby. IF you were lucky enough to be chosen to adopt a baby, then she would help, but the adoptive couple was not her first priority. We decided, after getting to know both of these women, we wanted to work with them.
We talked to the agency about making a payment plan, since after all, it’s not like we had a lot of extra money in savings. We asked about what our options were and how long it would take us to make the payments towards each step of the process. After a couple of days, the owner of the agency wrote us an email that said that she felt led to work with us, to help us realize our dream of being parents, and she would. She gave us a price that I jumped up and down with joy about and then she told us what all we would have to do. That was July 2001.
For a little bit, we dragged our feet, but the first week in August I saw an email come across from the agency and the facilitator saying there would be a baby born in November, but because the mother was not caucasian, they were having difficulty finding an adoptive couple for him/her. I mentioned it to Chad and he thought I had lost my mind. Again, August 13, 2001, another email came through from them and it was the same situation.
After praying about it, we emailed the owner of the agency and said, “Look, we haven’t even finished our homestudy paperwork, but we’re interested.” She emailed me back and said, “Congratulations, you will be parents around the middle of November. In case you haven’t checked, the cost of diapers is pretty high. Get busy with your paperwork and get ready for a baby!” So, we did.
The next couple of months were a blur. September 11, 2001 was in there with the turmoil that it brought the world and I was horrified at having a child in ‘this day and age’, but I also knew that I wanted this baby more than anything and I knew that we would be good parents to him. October came with a trip to Washington D.C. We saw the Pentagon that still looked raw from the disaster of 9/11, toured the National Mall, and did some shopping. When we got back, we thought we had a few more weeks before the baby would be born and so we tried to finish up some last minute preparations.
Less than two months later, I got a message on AOL Instant Messenger from the owner of the agency (this was back when we had dial up internet and she had to get online because I was online), “N is at the hospital and in labor. It won’t be tonight, but you guys need to head over this way first thing in the morning.” I immediately called Chad on his route and said, “I’m packing, get home asap!” We left at 11pm when he got home to drive the dogs to my mom’s house and get a few hours of sleep. We left there at 6am and headed to the hospital. Once we got there, we waited and waited… The day seemed to be short, but eternal at the same time.
At 8:22pm our beautiful baby boy was born. His birthmother signed the paperwork and left the hospital in less than 24 hours. I was never able to thank her, she did not want to meet us. I was never able to see what she looks like so that I can tell Gmail. However, I was there to give my baby his first bottle, help with his first bath, and put on his first diaper. I was there to hold him, cuddle him, and love him right from the very beginning. I was there when his Daddy started singing, “Daddy loves you more than Mommy does” and set that story straight right from the beginning! 😉 I was there to kiss his cheek and reassure him that we were there from the beginning. We loved him before he was born and that we would always love him.
Nine years later, nine long, but short years later, we are still right here. We are still fighting for him and trying to do the best we can for him. We loved him before he was born, we were with him from the very beginning and we will love him forever and will be with him until the end. That baby boy is now our big boy, but he will always be my baby boy.
Dear Heavenly Father, Please hear my prayers tonight. Please, Lord, always remind D that we love him, that he is our son, and that no matter what, he will always be our son. Please, Lord, protect him from the evil that he may encounter on his journey through life and help me to raise him the way that You would have me to raise him. In Christ’s name, Amen.